Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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