you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
