last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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