Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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