worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
