I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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