More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
