sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
