you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
