dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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