if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
