How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
