I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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