Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
