Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
