I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
