1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
