im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
