everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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