Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
