dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
