I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
