I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
