I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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