it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I would fuck him just for his dog
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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