Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
