I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
