We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I still have a little drunk in my system
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
