Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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