So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
