oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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