Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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