I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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