shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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