Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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