hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
