If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
