I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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