i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I want a musical about memes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
