I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
