lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
