Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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