and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
