Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
