Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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