just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
