If i come over, it means nothing
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
