Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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