I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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