We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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