I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
